August 28, 2011
Good Morning, “35 Years”
August 28, 1976
Thirty-Five Years is a long time to be married, especially when the average length of a first or second marriage in the United States is just about 7 years. Maybe it is something about the “Seven Year Itch”? Studies say we are attracted to one another through a chemical mix of Pheromones, Cortisol and Oxytocin released when we are in contact with someone. Makes sense to me, albeit not very romantic. Becoming satiated to these chemicals in your mate after seven years could explain why someone could easily be chemically attracted to another. Some even say the “Seven Year Itch” has now turned into the “Three-Year Glitch”. We are living in a “Fast Food” world where immediate gratification seems to dictate our expectations. Many a couple are avoiding the scenario all together and not even bothering to get married and possible ruin a good friendship.
The average expected maximum age in men these days is about 75 years. So, for close to half of my “expected life”, I have been married to Jeanie. The national median age in the United States is about 36 years. That means close to half of the people in the U.S. weren’t even born when we got married.
Thirty-Five Years is a long time to be married to the same person and with that comes the opportunity to experience life outside of yourself and with someone who knows you intimately. Opportunities to conquer, as they come up the inevitable adversities and challenges in the relationship. Opportunities to test the strength of the vows to one another that you both took so many years ago. Opportunities to achieve a level of trust unparalleled in most every other kind relationship.
No relationship, married or otherwise will/can be smooth all the time. If someone tells you otherwise, well I would consider him or her delusional. As time passes there is an “alphabet soup” of things faced and overcome. While I won’t go into details, I can pretty much say “you name it” and Jeanie and I probably went through it at one time or another.
It is a good idea to have a short memory of the bad things, but remembering just enough to not be destine to repeat them. You must overcome the negatives and build on the positives.
Elizabeth Gilbert put it well in Eat, Pray, Love when she said:
“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
I believe that marriage is much like a garden, you must keep the “weeds” out so that it does not become overrun and non-productive. The bounty of the marriage, much like that of the garden, depends on your dedication and vigilance.
Yes, thirty-five years is a long time to be married to someone, five times longer than the national average. I suppose the question could be asked, would I do it again. Why yes… yes I would, even knowing what I know now. For how else could I have gotten to where I am today and appreciating the loved ones, family and friends in my life.
So on this 28th day of August 2011, I say to my wife of 35 years:
“I Jon, do once again, take you Jeanie, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and to cherish, through sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do we part.”
“Happy Anniversary, Jeanie”,
Love, Jon