Good Morning,
This last week we ushered in a New Year of 2014, but unfortunately is was fraught with the debris of 2013 storms.
I have never been one that cared for drama in my personal life and even less tolerant of it being thrust upon me by others. Like those who feel it is necessary to muster as many as possible for “their cause” and thus polarize a situation regardless of who is hurt along the way while taxing friendships and family relations in the mix.
Having had my share over the years of drama, I have paid a price for decisions that I alone have made, that have brought me angst. To the point that when faced with similar choices later on, have tempered me to pick another path in an effort not to repeat the same outcome.
Choices made at the time seem right enough, especially when emotion is involved, or hurt, or apathy, or our own selfishness not realized. It is later
with distance and time that the true ramifications show up… sometimes even years later when you would least expect it. It is easy to become myopic and focus only on our needs, not seeing the “big picture” and how our actions do and will affect others. The human weakness of self-justification is one of the easiest things to do. We all do it, whether it is that extra charge on the cards because we “deserve it”, or that we are “worth it”.
Maybe we feel that our partner is not supportive enough and therefore doesn’t fulfill our needs. Could it be that we are guilty of the same thing and that is why the relationship is falling apart? After all “We are what we hate”. Think about it. It is so easy to overlook our own faults and see those things in others. The trick is to open your eyes a bit wider and look in the mirror.
Having gone through a rather amicable divorce early in my years, which included two children, things seemed pretty simple. Split the sheets and focus on raising our two children. Not so easy…as I was not there, as I would have been, had we have been one family. The twice a month weekend father doesn’t fill the void, no matter how you wish to justify it. The roll of full-time dad fell upon another man for at least the younger. It was he who helped shape this child along with his mother. I was lucky that he was a good man, as many times, a stepdad cannot make the connection. The older was out of the house way too soon and destine for a path that many of lesser constitution, would not have survived. Let’s just say the path never taken.
“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll
When the “opportunity” presented itself a few years later, I was once again faced with a similar decision. Poor choices on both of our parts lead us to the abyss and crossing it would take an effort by both, for one alone could not repair the damage done. There had to be changes made and 
commitments kept for all the time it would take to rebuild what was lost in the relationship by both.
It was also important to me that I did not repeat the same scenario with this new child as I had in the past. That this time… I would be there in the best capacity I could and while not perfect by any stretch, I would be there.
It took years to put it all back and not one regret in the 37 years for doing so. You see, we chose our path and when we make a conscious commitment, how we see it through will determine what we are made of.
“It is a wise man who learns from the mistakes of others and a fool from his own.”
Choose wisely…
Love, Dad