Good Morning, “Father’s Day”
It is not just on days like today that thoughts of my father cross my mind, but because of the media and promoting “Father’s Day”, I think I am reminded a bit more than not.
It is easy for me to remember my father, as I was fortunate to have a dad that instilled good values and a sense responsibility to my life. He did
this mostly by example more than any kind of a lecture and because I respected him and wanted to make him proud of me. He also knew when to let me make my mistakes, endure the consequences and through this, I gained life experience. There was a certain smile he had that said, ”Ok, go ahead and see what happens.”
Of course there were times, especially in my teens, when I would lose sight of that and I am certain my actions were a bit of a disappointment. The “teens” can be difficult when you are trying to show your independence while subconsciously realizing that you are still dependent on your parents. Also, around that time the hormonal changes don’t help much in decision-making.
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O’Toole!)
I cannot recall that I ever once doubted that my father loved me. He may not have always liked some of the things I did, but he always loved me in spite of myself. So the thought of disappointing mom and dad was what helped keep me in line.
My father wasn’t a “huggie” kind of guy until much later in his life. I believe that had a lot to do with his youth and not receiving much physical affection as a child. He left home when he was 16 and had to make it “out there”. That is probably one of the reasons he was proud of his accomplishments after coming for meager means and why he wanted me be to be the best I could be, so my life would not be as hard as his.
It was by example that my father taught me about being a man, how to be honest in my dealings and to respect my fellow man. It was by examplethat my father taught me how to treat and respect the women in my life, by how he showed his love for my mother and letting her know she was the best thing in his life. While my father did not push his spiritual beliefs on me, mom and he did make sure that I had a basis to start from and that in later years I could choose my own path.
“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” ~Clarence Budington Kelland
Having smoked cigarettes from the time he was sixteen and then working as a welder for many years, the constant toxins to his lungs took their toll on his body. Dad developed bladder cancer in his 50s (one of the most common cancers caused by smoking in men) and until the day he died he endured so many indignities to his body that I would not wish these things on anyone. He mellowed and became more “huggie” in those years, and I enjoyed a level of communication with him that was more man-to-man. Things become more precious when there is less of it to share and this was certainly the case with the time that dad had left.
“Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later… that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life.” ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
It was in those later years that I got to know my father as a man, and while we faced the inevitable, they turned out to be some of the best years I can remember.
I don’t need a Father’s Day to remember my dad, but it is nice to be reminded.
Love, Dad
John Levi Long [1915-1987]