Hardest Part of Being a Parent

Good Morning,

Last weeks letter was based on one of the thirteen questions Michael had sent me in January last year.  This week I have decided to take on the next one on the list.  As I also stated, none of them were what I would consider easy questions and this one did not disappoint.

“What is the hardest part about being a parent?”

Where to start?  There are so many things to consider about this one and while the question is directed to me, I know that other parents would probably have a plethora of answers just as poignant as the ones I could/would give.  So these answers are the ones that come to mind first, while knowing full well that tomorrow others will come to mind maybe just as valid.

While God has graced me with not having to face this one, I have to believe that losing a child would have to be the most difficult.  I don’t believe we are ever supposed to outlive our children.  Yet I know there are so many parents that face that situation each day.  A baby that doesn’t quite come to full term and the immense pain to the heart of having life lost while inside of you.  Maybe your child that drowns in a swimming pool or possibly from some disorder unknown or untreatable.  It could be your teen that makes a bad choice and ends up in a situation having fatal consequences.  The child that’s barely an adult and dies in the service of our country, while there is honor there is also pain that lasts a lifetime.  No matter if it were early in life or later, losing a child to me would be the hardest part.

Having grown up in a family with a disabled child (my sister) and only sibling, there had to be heartbreak when this kind of thing is first revealed. My Mom once mentioned that my dad cried when the doctor told him about their daughter in that she would be mentally retarded.  Dad or Mom didn’t love her any less, of that I am sure, but their dream of what her life could have been was dashed that day.  Your child, the very part of you, now in a life you never intended or would have imagined and then of course there is the moral impositions and obligation to your own.  It is an impossible situation and one that can try your very soul and in some cases even your belief in God.  So many questions unanswered.

As a parent, there have been times when it has been difficult (hard).  Having three children, let me say, there have been opportunities, plenty of them.  And then along come the Grandchildren and a whole new set of opportunities.  That is part and parcel of allowing your children to find themselves, but it is not without risk.  Talking with friends and sharing experiences along the way, I have come up with this list.  Trying to imagine the angst some of them went through was sobering.  So here is a list that I think would be difficult as a parent, any parent:

• Seeing your child in jail or visiting them there.
• Having them run away as a teen and not knowing where they are or even if they are still alive.
• Consoling them when they have marital difficulties or abused in a relationship.
• Remaining “neutral” through their marital difficulties and not choosing sides.
• Helping them with and through an abortion.
• Supporting them through a divorce and the aftermath.
• Dealing with a relative or acquaintance that has sexually stepped “over the line” with your child.
• Giving “Hard Love” when you just want to hug them.
• Seeing them waste a beautiful, potential and wonderful mind with drugs.
• Having your child drop out of school and realizing the future difficulties for them it will bring.
• Their first, second and third car accident, especially if it was your car.
• Seeing your child injured in just about any way because when they hurt, you hurt as well.
• Realizing your child is going to college or university when you haven’t planned for it.

These are all big things and unfortunately negative for the most part, but that is what difficult is sometimes.

There are other times that are difficult emotionally and just part of parenting.  Here are a few that come to mind:

• Helping mend a broken heart from that “first love”.
• Seeing your daughter dressed for the prom and realizing she has grown into a young woman almost overnight.
• Your child leaving for a year on an foreign exchange or off to college for the first time.
• Giving your daughter/s away in marriage.
• Seeing them move away to other parts of the country while knowing that this is also a sign of good parenting when children can “leave the nest”.
• Saying “goodbye” after the holidays visit knowing another visit will be months away.
• Realizing that they have their own lives and it is important not to interfere.  Avoiding “MILSY” (Mother-In-Law Syndrome).
• And possibly the most difficult… To NOT give advice when it ISN’T asked.

Being a parent is never easy and every child is different.  Other than marriage, I cannot imagine an institution that can bring so much joy and sorrow to your life.  To be a parent means stepping out there and exposing your heart.  Not everyone is equipped for the challenge and by society’s standards many fail, but while the risk may be great, the rewards can be so much greater.

I have no regrets being a parent and believe all of you have turned out to be good right-minded citizens.  And while each of you has chosen a different path to get to where you are today, I am proud of each of you and who you have become.

Love, Dad

Image: Canyon Child Care