Good Morning,
Happy Valentines Day!
Just about every year since I have been doing these letters, I have written about Valentines Day. So why break the habit now. This last year since the Valentines Day 2009 has been fraught with affairs of the heart for both the ones I love and myself.
Not every and I dare say most marriages, do not run smoothly all of the time. It is a near impossibility for two different personalities to go through a lifetime together and see eye-to-eye on everything. If they do, it is either a marriage made in Heaven or a personal Hell, as someone in the relationship is subjugated and has no say.
Actually, I think a little turmoil is good for a relationship as it gives an opportunity to “clear-the-air” and put the relationship “back-on-the-tracks” when it has drifted. New understandings can be created, changes made and communication re-opened where it may have been all but shut down. Idealistically or “Nirvana” would be that there was never turmoil and a pure mutually beneficial relationship would exist for a lifetime.
I have known some couples that seem to thrive on mixing it up and then making up and I’m not talking just about young ones here, but couples that have spent most of their life together. A casual look at them and you wonder why they stay together. There must be something there they both need however esoteric.
A separation can create an appreciation of the other person in the relationship and a little distance can also help bring a new perspective. While it is an extreme measure to be sure, sometimes it can be the only way, albeit emotionally painful, to re-align ones priorities. You can’t really miss something until it is gone. That is no truer than of a life partner.
I also believe that it is critical during that time of separation to work on ones self. It could be and usually is, one of the most difficult parts of the process, but there is a reason it all came to this and it is never just one-sided. You either caused some of the problems or allowed them to happen. Those reasons need to be addressed or they will continue to infect the present or even future relationships as the pattern repeats and repeats through your life.
I believe in marriage and that it can be a wonderful institution if maintained. After all, I have been married 46 out of the 64 years I have been on this earth. During that time I have been fortunate to have spouses who are also my (BFF) Best Friends for Forever. You can’t do much better than that.
If you are fortunate to have someone to love, it might not hurt to remember him or her today in a way that is special. It could be as simple as a Chi Tea Latté and a plain cake donut.
Love, Dad
PS: As always, all opinions expressed in this letter are my own.
Tigger Image: Thanks to TiggerMan
Pingback: Upper Street Blog » Valentines Day For Grown Ups